Long time ago, I always was like the worst of the worst... It was like if I never could make things right... so, I was living with bastard ideas inside of me, with the fear of the nothingness... To get lost out myself. One day walking by old streets someone, an old man started to look me... he followed every step that I took... And later, with a great fear he started to speak about the violence, the deaths, the dreams, his dreams... the war, but no the war where everyone kill by pleasure, no, he was speaking me about the war between our body and our soul... How we break the little pieces of our dreams, our memories and how we break our life doing things that only let us fucked! ... In that moment, something took me from deeper, making me shiver at all. The sadness was more stronger than me. And inside of me something went out, it was like a fuckin' scream, an old bitter fuckin' scream, and I know it. For years I tried to forgot that episode.
One day... I was walking by the same old street I found the same old man saying the same old words, crying the same old crimes, breaking down the same old broken dreams, crying the same old bitter tears, living in the same old place, playing the same old game call Loneliness, speaking the same fuckin' words that turns down myself once again with his same old and poor mouth, walking and screaming in the same fuckin' way. But I knew that this time would be different, Inside of me I was changing, And I won't scream again... this time I take easy.
Before he started to scream I said: Stay there, don't say a word, I have the answer that you been waited for. Is in the special way how we believe... I asked him...Do you believe? Do you believe in the words that you scream out? Do you have faith? Do you still have faith? Faith in what you' done? My heart beats and beats, I was really feeling that my heart beats, and it hurts so much.
It hurts me 'cause for years i was taking me by the easy way, without faith, without faith in what i was doing, not believing in myself, in my words, in my place, in my soul, I was separated my dreams, i was dreaming the dreams of others person, 'cause i didn't had my own dreams. Forgotten myself in a strange, cold and darkest side that you could invent, not knowing nothing at all, destroying myself from the inside. How much time we could lose thinking in what we couldn't do? How much time i would to spent to try don't doing the same old thing...?
Is that way how we lose our self in the shadows, staring on the other side of the life, looking how everything is buried down on the floor, how we will be buried down on the floor... Hoping for someone who could save us from the fear to live our lives. It was necessary an old man, screaming, dying, speking about some forgotten dreams, hopes, reflexions, to made me understand the real meaning of life, of my life.
So I'll never go back, holding back in my sacred memories. This will be mine, for the rest of the time, until the end begins.
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